


A Very Ironic (or, Iconic) Christmas Gift

by ChocolateXMyMouth



Series: The Avengers' Christmas Shenanigans [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, But instead he got banjo strings, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Christmas with the Avengers, F/M, Gen, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Precious Peter Parker, Sam wanted an R/C car, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27745750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateXMyMouth/pseuds/ChocolateXMyMouth
Summary: When Peter gives Natasha a gag gift for Christmas, he's very pleasantly surprised to find she actually really likes it. However, he doesn't expect much more than a simple thank you out of the gift.Even less expected is Natasha actually using the gift, absolutely loving it, and making sure everyone knows her Peter Parker got them for her. Cue the loving embarrassment of one spider boy...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark & Sam Wilson
Series: The Avengers' Christmas Shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027048
Comments: 25
Kudos: 117





	1. When Natasha Got Her Gift

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: credit goes to TheAsexualOfSpades for their unintentional inspiration of this fic thanks to all their lovely stories of "Momma and Baby Spider" Nat and Peter. After you read this, go read all of those. They so lovely! <3
> 
> And now, with that being said, I hope you enjoy this story!

“I got you for Secret Santa, but I wanna give you your gift in secret.”

Natasha looked at the junior spider, currently cuddled up by her side in his brand new scarlet robe courtesy of Thor (that was a really sweet gift from him, Thor was just a good guy) from the Secret Santa gift exchange going on. Natasha had noticed there was one less gift under the tree than there should be if everyone got one earlier, but she hadn’t paid it much mind.

“Oh? And why is that, Baby Spider?” asked Natasha, smiling down at him.

“I-It’s… uhm, i-it’s kinda a gag gift,” Peter admitted, smirking as he presumably thought about it. “It’s very ironic, that’s what I’m trying to say. With your job, and all. A-And, also, I don’t… I don’t wanna embarrass you, just in case you don’t like it.”

“Hmm… I respect keeping it close to the vest,” Natasha nodded, “but I hope you know, kid, anything you get me I’ll treasure forever.”

Peter smiled, and mumbled something underneath his breath. “What was that sweetie?”

“...I know you would,” Peter said quietly, smiling at her. 

Natasha smiled right back at him, and snuggled him closer. She loved this kid way too much for her own good; if anything ever happened to him, she’d be furious and heartbroken at the same time, which had never happened before. And she didn’t know if she was ready to experience something like that.

“...Who the hell got me _banjo strings???_ ”

The voice of Peter’s ‘best friend’ on the team (he had far too many of those), Sam Wilson, snapped the two spiders out of their little moment, causing their eyes to flip over to Sam, who was currently seated on the love seat with Bucky, who was wearing a stocking on his metal arm, and the super soldier was smirking as Sam opened his gift.

“Dunno Wilson,” Bucky smirked, “maybe you need to start playing.”

“Was this you?” Sam asked, looking at Bucky dangerously. “I swear, if this was you-”

“I’d gladly confess to getting you banjo strings, Wilson,” Bucky laughed, “but that wasn’t me, I give you my word.”

“You know your word doesn’t mean shit to me, right?”

“I’m quite aware, yes.”

Tony gave a hoot of laughter from the couch that he and Pepper were sitting on, and Clint was sat on the floor next to his legs, who found the billionaire’s laughter quite contagious. Pepper just rolled her eyes at Tony, who just kept laughing.

“S-Someone… s-someone wasted their money on getting Bird-Brain _banjo strings!_ ” Tony continued to laugh. “W-Why is this so funny?!”

“It’s not - I wanted an R/C car,” Sam seethed, clearly faking most of his anger but also kind of upset he didn’t get that R/C car.

“Did you really expect anyone to splurge for an R/C car? On _this_ team?” Clint said, laughing as well but not nearly as hard as Tony.

Sam shrugged; the archer did have a point. However, not all of the gifts were anywhere near as weird as his banjo strings present - Steve had given Wanda a massive bag of green and red wrapped Hershey Kisses, for which she was very grateful and had hugged the captain for about five minutes. Their father-daughter bond was something the whole team enjoyed thoroughly.

Then, there was Thor getting Peter a very comfy robe, for which the spider-ling was very grateful. And speaking of Thor, Vision had bought him a very large bottle of hard liquor, which the god of thunder took with much gratitude. The android had received a hand-knitted sweater from Pepper, and the strawberry blonde CEO had gotten a customized scarf from Clint.

Bucky, meanwhile, had received a box of Frosted Flakes - not even family size, he had said while thanking Rhodey sincerely for the gift.

“Alright, Spider Mom, where’s your gift?” asked Clint, smirking as he looked under the tree to hand his best friend her gift.

“I’m getting mine in secret,” Natasha smirked.

“Nah nah nah, that’s not how this works,” Rhodey said, laughing as Clint tossed him his present instead of what would-be Nat’s. “We all get our gifts out here, no matter how embarrassing.”

“I still remember giving Tony a baby picture for one Secret Santa,” Bruce chuckled.

“Oh yes, I remember this as well! That was quite funny!” Thor laughed out loud.

“Well, my little spider here wants it to be an ‘inside joke’ between us,” Natasha said, smiling with her ‘this is happening and you all can’t stop it’ smile. Rhodey rolled his eyes, deciding it would be best to open his present instead of argue with the assassin.

“Thank you,” Peter whispered to her.

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” Natasha smiled.

“Will we at least get to see it in the morning at breakfast?” Pepper asked, knowing Peter wouldn’t lie to her at all, like he would one of the boys on the team. 

“If Ms. Romanoff wants to show it off, then I guess we would,” Peter said, smiling nervously.

Natasha smiled, nuzzling his cheek. “You’re too sweet, kid.”

“Damn right he is,” Sam smirked. “I bet if I had gotten picked by him for this, ain’t no way he’d have just gotten me _banjo strings._ He’d have gotten me an R/C car, wouldn’t you kid?”

“Probably.”

“See! He gets it!”

**-0-**

After everyone (sans Natasha) had received their gifts, a round of charades commenced around the fireplace; suffice to say, everyone was tucking in for the night after that fiasco of an event. Tomorrow was Christmas Day, and no doubt the day would be full of team bonding, holiday cheer, and snowball fights, so everyone wanted to get a good night’s sleep in before all of this went down.

Natasha and Peter, however, were sneaking back to the former’s room - and somehow, they made it without encountering a single Avenger.

“Phew!” Peter said, holding a festively wrapped parcel underneath his arm. “I was almost positive someone would run into us.”

“I wouldn’t have let them get you,” Natasha smirked. “Now, gimme - I’m so excited to see what you got me, sweetie.”

“I hope you like it,” Peter blushed, handing Natasha her present. “Merry Christmas and happy holidays, Nat.”

Natasha thanked Peter once again, and smiled widely as she began to unwrap her present - something about the holidays and unwrapping gifts never got old to her, she had noticed. On the other side of the wrapping paper was a white box, and when she opened it…

Well, to say she was shocked was an understatement.

“Oh my gosh - Peter,” Natasha said quietly, “these are… these are…”

“Y-Yes?” Peter asked nervously.

“Beautiful!” Natasha finished.

And what was she talking about, you may ask?

Well… Peter had gotten her tap shoes. 

And you’re probably thinking - how is this any different than Sam getting banjo strings? Peter was certainly starting to wonder that himself, but the key difference was that Natasha actually loved her gift.

“Y-You like them?” asked Peter, his eyes perking up.

“Like them? Sweetie, they’re so pretty; I love them!” Natasha said, examining the black heeled shoe with care and tenderness that most people didn’t think the Black Widow was capable of. “ _Almost_ as pretty as you.”

“ _Stoooop_ ,” Peter giggled, burying his face into his hand.

“Mmm… I don’t think I will, pretty boy,” Natasha smiled. “Wait - how much did you pay for these? Please tell me you didn’t spend your entire bank account.” 

“No no no! I actually, um,” Peter chuckled, “I found them at my local thrift store for legit twenty dollars. When I saw them I immediately thought of you - especially because, y’know, you’re so sneaky, so it’s also ironic at the same time as being a bold fashion statement.”

“Ahhh,” Natasha nodded, “Well, you best believe I can rock these babies. But seriously Peter, I absolutely love them, and I haven’t even put them on yet. Thank you so much, sweetie.”

“You’re welcome, Momma Spider,” Peter beamed. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Natasha smiled, pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek softly. After they hugged about two more times, Peter finally bid her goodnight, and went off to his room.

Natasha, meanwhile, stared at the shoe on her bed and the other in her hand.

Oh, she was gonna have fun with this gift for sure…

**-0-**

**Christmas Morning - Avengers Compound - 7:30 AM**

Steve hadn’t slept in till 8 in what was probably months, or maybe even years; not unless there had been a completely body-racking mission he had just gotten back from did the captain sleep in. He always went for a run every morning with either Sam or Bucky at six o’clock sharp, waking up at about 5:45.

However, both of them had insisted that their Christmas gift to him - and his to them - would be to sleep in that morning (‘ _Don’t wanna be up and catch Santa and wind up on the naughty list!’, Sam had teased._ ), so he decided he’d do just that.

When he began to make his way down the hall to go ahead and start breakfast for the team, he ran into Tony and Pepper, who were also on their way to the dining room. The two blondes chatted about how nice it was to have everyone here for Christmas, while Tony had started laughing up a storm again about Sam’s banjo strings.

And when they got to the kitchen, they noticed Natasha was standing in front of the couch adjacent to the kitchen. “You not gonna go kiss her good morning, Capsicle?” Tony asked, smirking at his friend.

“Only because you asked,” Steve tossed back sarcastically, chuckling all the while.

“You guys are so sweet,” Pepper fawned.

Steve walked over to his girlfriend, and hugged her from behind. “Merry Christmas, my dearest.”

“Merry Christmas, honey,” Natasha whispered happily, kissing the hand around her shoulders. “Oh, I almost forgot! You wanna see what Peter got me?”

“Of course,” Steve smiled.

Natasha then walked away from him… what was she up to?

But then, he looked at her outfit (totally not while checking her out, good moral compass-ing Cap) - red Christmas jumper, black leggings… and unusually noisy shoes.

“Oh my gosh,” Steve muttered, unable to hide the little chuckle that came up from his stomach.

“What’s up, Capsicle?” asked Tony. “And what’s that noise? Is Barton in the vents again?”

“Oh my God,” Pepper said. “Nat! When did you get tap shoes?!”

“Last night,” Natasha smiled, putting her hands behind her back and showing off her shoes to the three gathered in the room. “It was Peter’s secret Santa gift to me - he was worried I’d be embarrassed over it.”

“Uhm, embarrassed over _what?_ Those are so pretty!” Pepper said, clearly the biggest fan of Nat’s new shoes (besides Nat herself). 

“As long as you don’t wake your neighbors up, we’ll allow them in the compound,” Tony said, fetching OJ from the back of the fridge and treating Nat’s new shoes like an entity of their own. “Peter stays here on school nights too, y’know.”

“You seriously think I’d wake my kid up?” Natasha chuckled.

“My kid,” Tony muttered under his breath, smirking.

“ _Our_ kid,” Steve smiled. “They’re lovely, dear. They suit you really well.”

“Thanks honey,” Natasha smiled, leaning into his shoulder. Steve kissed her forehead, and then went to go start the pancakes everyone would no doubt be eating every last bite of that morning.

At that moment, Sam and Bucky came walking into the kitchen, with the former carrying his banjo strings for some reason (didn’t he hate that gift?) and Bucky was carrying his box of Frosted Flakes.

“...Ho ho ho bitch,” Sam said to the supersoldier. “Morning, y’all - Merry Christmas to most of you.”

“I swear on my life, I didn’t get you those,” Bucky laughed. 

And then, Clint gracefully exited (aka fell out) of the vent next to the kitchen, and brushed himself off. “Mornin’ all. Sam still bitching about his banjo strings?”

Tony started laughing again, which didn’t cause any eyebrows to turn - he just found this incredibly hilarious, for some reason. 

“We’ve got more pressing matters,” Pepper smiled, “look at what Peter got Nat!”

Natasha then felt a small rush of heat come to her cheeks over all the eyes currently looking at her, but no one who hadn’t been in the room when the first three walked in seemed to notice. “What… What am I looking at here? Other than some annoying redhead?” Clint asked, smirking.

“You’re looking at raw talent, excuse me,” Natasha said, confidence dialed up to eleven like the flick of a switch as her lips curled upward. “Watch this.”

She then did a spectacular stationary tap dance, with literally every eye focused on her feet - Wanda had just walked in with Vision, and the two had absolutely no context to the situation, amazing them even more than the other people in the room.

Everyone went silent when Natasha, the room feeling almost dead due to how loud it was just a second ago.

“...Holy shit,” Steve finally said.

“Bad language word!” Wanda exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at her dad with a laugh.

“Wow! Wow wow wow!” Pepper said, standing up and applauding Natasha. “Beautiful, Nat! That was awesome!”

The rest of the room followed Pepper’s actions, applauding the completely random but no less valid dance number that had just occurred before them. “Damn, Spidey went all out on you!” Sam said. “Again, he would’ve gotten me an R/C car. I know he would’ve. I’m too good to him.”

Natasha just smiled, doing a small curtsy before click-clacking over to the barstool and sitting down, figuring that was enough entertainment for these people for now. They had banjo strings to argue over, which was clearly more important.

However, her thought process was interrupted when none other than her favorite little spider walked into the room, his curls an absolute mess and his Christmas sweater making his face even brighter than it already was.

“Hey, there’s the man who went all out this Christmas!” Bucky smirked, rubbing his head when he walked in.

“W-What’s that supposed to- _oh,_ ” Peter said, chuckling nervously.

“You just missed it - she just did an absolutely wonderful little number,” Pepper smiled, sipping her coffee.

“Oh, he’ll get to see a number,” Natasha smiled, winking at her baby spider. “Specially choreographed for him, and him alone.”

“Y-You don’t have to do that-”

“Oh yes I do, sweetie,” Natasha said, hugging him as he walked over to her. “Because you’re special to me and you deserve lots of love, and a tap dance for your eyes only after giving me these lovely shoes.”

“Very traditional Christmas gifts,” Steve nodded, smiling at the two - he loved how much of a softie his girlfriend really was. “Wait, where’s Thor? And Bruce and Rhodey?” 

“Rhodey went to go get the ham I had specially made for today’s dinner; already eaten breakfast, don’t worry,” said Tony, “Bruce is working on a snowball cannon, and I’m willing to bet Thor is still asleep. Debbie Reynolds, you wanna go wake him up?”

“I’m not a jerk,” Natasha said with a smirk. “Get Sam to go stick his banjo strings in his face.”

Tony howled with laughter, leaning on Steve despite the older man telling him to get off of him with a smile that showed he wasn’t bothered at all. “I swear, when I found out who gave me these damn banjo strings-”

“Language.”

“-I will be breakin’ fingers,” Sam swore.

“I will go get Thor out of bed, and fetch Dr. Banner too,” Vision offered.

“Thanks, Robocop!” Clint said, saluting the android.

Natasha just rolled her eyes at her team's antics, and thanked her boyfriend graciously as he handed her a plate of finished pancakes. Peter, despite being thoroughly ‘embarrassed’ by Natasha at the moment, took the seat next to her on the kitchen bar, and made a show of putting his head on the table between his arms.

“Aww, he’s so cute when he’s embarrassed,” Pepper smiled.

“He’s just so cute himself, isn’t he?” Natasha teased, taking a bite of her morning wakeup meal.

“And he’s got such good taste in gifts!” Pepper added, the two women apparently tag-team teasing him now. “Hnnggggh,” Peter groaned, obviously faking to a degree. If he really couldn’t take the teasing, they wouldn’t do it; which is exactly why they did it.

“Oh come on sweetie, you love us,” Natasha said, poking him with the back end of her fork.

“...maybe,” Peter muttered, trying to stifle a small laugh.

“C’mon kiddo, show that pretty face; it’s chow time!” Tony smirked, handing him his plate full of the best pancakes in the world - with blueberries and extra syrup, just the way he liked it. He couldn’t stop the beaming smile that came across his face.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Peter smiled. “And thank you, Captain!”

“Steve’s fine, kiddo, but you’re very welcome,” Steve smiled, now receiving help from Wanda to bake the rest of the Avengers’ breakfast.

And as Peter ate, he sighed happily - despite the fact this family teased him to no end, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Even though he was pretty sure his Christmas had only just begun, in that regard…


	2. Where The Avengers Had a Dance Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry this took so long guys!!! I hope the wait was worth it. Thank you so much for all the engagement, you all have literally made my month with all the comments about the banjo strings. <3

That afternoon, as Peter was playing Mario Kart with Sam, Clint, and Thor, he suddenly found himself caught away in between rounds by none other than Natasha, who had seemingly spent the past hour choreographing her routine. 

And in case you think that’s being dramatic, she had literally just grabbed his hand and yoinked him away from the couch. Clint and Sam made a dramatic show of reaching out for him as he walked away. Thor just ate his pop tarts and laughed as Peter was ‘dragged’ away.

She was one of the few things that could get him to drop a good game of Mario Kart.

As the two walked to wherever Natasha had planned her show to be, she noticed Peter looked quite calm and relaxed… and he also was keeping a keen eye on her feet.

“Hear something you like, sweetie?” Natasha asked, smiling at him.

“Hm-wha-o-oh, uhm… y-yeah,” Peter giggled nervously, “that’s, that’s a very satisfying sound. Really soothing too.”

Natasha smiled, walking with a little bit of tap dance-flair to her step now. Her feet hit the ground now with more rhythm, and the smile on Peter’s face only grew more happy and relaxed as they went along. Almost nothing made Natasha as happy as seeing the baby spider’s face light up like it had now.

“H-How long have you known how to tap, Nat?” Peter asked softly, like the question was deeply personal. “There’s no way you’re a beginner. You’re way too good - though I wouldn’t be surprised if you only learned last night.”

Natasha giggled warmly, pulling Peter into a side hug as they continued down the hallways of the compound. “Not long, truth be told. But Steve and I have been having a lot of date nights where we just cuddle and watch a movie, and a lot of them were old musical movies or just movies that had something to do with tap dancing since it was so popular in Steve’s time. I guess I just picked it up without realizing it…”

“That’s so cool,” Peter smiled.

“Would you like me to teach you, baby Spider?” Natasha asked, fully serious. “You know I would love to.”

“O-Oh, maybe, but y’know… I, uhm,” Peter said, smiling nervously.

“That’s completely fine,” Natasha smiled, understanding fully and bringing him down to kiss his cheek. “You move at your own pace, sweetie. No one’s forcing you to do anything.”

“Except take all the teasing here.”

“Well, that’s a given.”

The two shared another laugh, and then they came to one of the other common rooms in the compound. The table and rug in the center of the floor had already been scooted back, and the amount of hardwood flooring that was available to move around on would make any dancer excited.

“Take your pick of which seat you want - not a lot of people came to my show, it seems,” Natasha said, feigning offense.

“It was a private screening though,” Peter said, raising his brow.

“Shhh,” Natasha told him, smiling as Peter found the joke way funnier than anyone else would’ve. What a sweet kiddo. He plopped down on the couch, sitting criss-cross applesauce and looking stupidly adorable in his massive robe that Thor had gotten him. 

Natasha stood in the middle of the floor, her right toe pointed at the floor and her arms at her side, hands turned outwards. “You ready for the routine of a lifetime, Baby Spider?” she asked. “Sure!” Peter giggled.

Natasha then counted out a beat, and started doing a pretty simple routine, but the look on Peter’s face was like she had just presented him with all the pizza a teenager could ever want. His eyes lit up as her shoes made contact with the floor, bouncing back from her face to her feet in a way that made Natasha laugh as she tapped.

It was truly a sight to behold… and Peter was so happy to be the beholder.

Natasha then, after about a minute of dancing, started bopping side to side and holding out her hands - Peter didn’t catch on for about ten seconds, just kinda sitting there and making a face. But when Natasha started making the grabby hands, then he understood. 

She wanted him to dance with her.

Now, Peter Parker was not a good dancer; source, Peter Parker. But, chances like this just didn’t come up every day, so he decided that it would be worth embarrassing himself for the chance to dance with Natasha.

And the smile that came to her lips was worth it too. 

...Even if he almost stumbled over his own foot within five seconds.

Natasha laughed at this, much to his ‘chagrin’. “Want me to go a little slower?”

“It would be much appreciated,” Peter nodded, laughing as well.

She still swayed him around, but it was much calmer and Peter could actually find his footing in between ‘steps’ he was doing. Baby steps for baby spider, Nat had told him - he was convinced all the snow in the world couldn’t cool his flush red cheeks after that one. 

“So… who do you think got Sam his banjo strings? No one fessed up,” Peter giggled.

“My money’s on Clint or Tony,” Natasha remarked. “Not Bucky?” he asked, raising a brow. “No - he takes any chance he gets to berate the poor man. He’d be taking credit for this yesterday if he got him those. Whoever did deprived him of an R/C car.”

“He was so pissed,” Peter giggled.

Natasha laughed along with him, eventually letting him rest his head on her shoulders. “You had a good Christmas so far, sweetie?”

“M-hmm,” Peter smiled into her shoulder. “You?”

“Best one in years,” she said; not only were these shoes legit her new favorite thing in the world that wasn’t a person, but it was also her first Christmas with Steve… her first Christmas where everyone was together… 

There were a lot of sentiments to be had about it all.

And then, a very rude intrusion came upon the spider-family’s little moment - Sam Wilson came through the room, smiling like an idiot.

“Guess who just managed to buy an Amazon gift card off of Bird-Brain and now will be getting his R/C car?!” he exclaimed.

“I’m having a moment with Spider-Baby here,” Natasha said, gesturing to the kid currently wrapped around her and attached like a magnet, as she grinned at Sam. “Could you have waited?”

“Nope, too important,” Sam smirked.

“She’s a really good tap dancer,” Peter smiled, his face still buried into her shoulder.

“Oh? Is that so?” Sam asked, raising a brow. “That’s incredibly sweet, Juice Box. Bet my dancing skills could rival hers, though.”

Peter’s eyes went wide as he felt Natasha’s hug on him loosen, and he had no shame in letting his “uh oh” slip out of his throat, as Natasha click-clacked over to stare Sam dead in his face.

“Oh? Is _that_ so?” Natasha asked, her voice far too sweet to be sincere.

Sam then did a small shuffle on the spot, and to his credit, it wasn’t something you do on the spot without some sort of dancer knowledge. Still, Nat could tap her foot and probably get a better reaction out of the family of trolls that were the Avengers.

“Hmm, not bad,” Natasha smirked, shrugging. “Now take it to the masses.”

“Excuse me?” Sam asked, a smirk crawling onto his lips as well. “Are you suggesting… what I think you’re suggesting?”

“W-What’s going on?” Peter asked. 

“I think I am,” Natasha smiled wickedly.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Peter again said.

“Gather everyone in the room we opened our presents in, Juice Box,” Sam said, running off to go get the room. “We’re fixing to have a dance battle!”

“A WHAT?!” Peter exclaimed.

“Oh, don’t worry, sweetie,” Natasha smiled, wrapping him around her side once more. “You get to be _my_ partner in this.”

“You’ll lose.”

“No I won’t - they’re too scared of me,” Natasha giggled. “And besides, you’re too pretty to say no to.”

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I?” Peter asked, though his smile gave away he didn’t really care all that much about it. “Don’t think so, my very handsome, pretty boy,” Natasha smiled, kissing his cheek.

**-0-**

**A Few Seconds Later…**

“Geez, that was fast,” Tony muttered, as if he had whiplash for some reason.

“So, how are we doing this… dance battle thing?” asked Bucky. “For the record, I was in the middle of enjoying my delicious Frosted Flakes-” “Courtesy of me!” Rhodey chimed in. “-and I am deeply offended I was interrupted, so this better be good.”

“An unbiased commission of judges has been formed to judge the dance teams - this panel consists of me, Wanda, and Rhodey,” said Steve, that shit-eating grin on his face serving as a dead giveaway they’d be anything _but_ unbiased. “You all will be paired into teams of two selected at random via Vision running a random diagnostic.”

“Thor, you are with Dr. Banner,” said Vision, getting straight to the point. “Sweet!” Thor exclaimed. “Oh boy,” Bruce muttered.

“Mr. Barnes, you are with Mrs. Potts.” “Nice!” Pepper said with a smile. “Put her there, Bucky.” Bucky smiled, high fiving the businesswoman, seeming now excited for this dance battle.

“Mr. Stark, you are with Mr. Wilson.” “Ayy let’s go Tony!” Sam said, shaking his dance partner’s hand. “Hell yeah!” Tony smirked.

“I will be with Mr. Barton.” “Alright, alright, I can work with that!” Clint said, shaking Vision’s hand.

“Which just leaves me and you, baby Spider,” smiled Natasha, side-hugging her second favorite person in the room. Peter just sighed dramatically, but he gave Nat a small smile, reassuring her he was completely fine with it and just being dramatic. 

She wouldn’t trade the boy for anything.

“Wait, we seriously get no time to choreograph?” Tony asked, revolted. “How are we even supposed to dance then?!”

“Improv,” Bucky smirked.

“Am I sensing a win in our general direction, Bucky?” asked Pepper, also smirking. Bucky just shrugged. “Thank God Steve’s a judge and not dancing. You’d break both of your ankles.”

“Rude,” Steve scoffed, sitting behind the judges’ desk with Wanda and Rhodey.

“Alright, who’s going first?” Clint asked.

“Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Please!” Thor said, bouncing and raising his hand. “I don’t wanna do this,” Bruce muttered, but his shy laugh gave away he really didn’t mind.

“What song would you like, Thor?” asked FRIDAY, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

“Timber, by the _bald man_.”

“EXCUSE ME?!” Peter guffawed, nearly doubling over in laughter from the sudden revelation that Thor called Pitbull ‘the bald man’ - I mean, it was fitting, was it not? But very unexpected and unorthodox from the god of thunder. “O-Oh my gosh! That’s amazing!”

“Is something wrong?” Thor asked.

“No no no! D-Dance away, dudes!” Peter laughed as the song started blaring.

The minute the absolute classic started playing, everyone could tell this would be… something.

Pepper was sitting next to Peter and immediately covered his ears when the lyrics about Pitbull talking about Miley Cyrus’s clothes came on; Steve looked revolted at such objectification of women, Clint and Tony were laughing their heads off at Thor and Bruce’s absolutely horrific dance skills, and Vision just stared.

“Break it down, Banner!” Thor called out, spinning himself around.

“I can’t dance, dude!” Bruce yelled, just bopping his arms and waist around like a dad at the family party who didn’t know what dancing even was.

“Use one of your PhD’s!” Thor laughed.

“None of them are for _dancing!_ ” 

After Thor and Bruce finally finished (and Peter was wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes), the judges gave their scores. Rhodey gave Thor and Bruce a collective 2.5 - he was such a savage critiquer, Simon Cowell would be drooling. Wanda gave them an 8 due to how much she had laughed, and Steve gave a 5 because he didn’t want to hurt their feelings but he still had no idea what the hell had just happened.

Up next - Tony and Sam. The duo were both very cocky individuals when they wanted to be, and right now they both wanted to be, so the amount of testosterone that everyone in the room felt was currently off the charts.

“WHOO!” Pepper cheered. “Show us what you got, boys!”

“Oh, I got something,” Sam said, shaking excitedly.

“That looked so weird,” Peter whispered.

“FRIDAY… play Whip and Nae Nae,” Sam smirked.

“Oh _nooooo,_ ” Peter groaned, rolling his eyes into the back of his head as Silento’s track began to blare, and Tony and Sam began to dance along to it. Steve, yet again, showed his disdain for modern music all across his features.

“WHAT A SONG!” Thor exclaimed, applauding the two dancers already.

However, midway through Sam and Tony’s absolutely amazing dance number, Tony whispered something in Sam’s ear, somehow registering it underneath the blaring music…

“Hey, Wilson, guess what?” Tony giggled, still bopping along to the music.

“What?” Sam laughed, doing the same move.

Tony then whispered something… well, nothing short of absolutely nuts to Sam.

“ _It was me. I got you the banjo strings._ ”

“WHAT?!?! EXCUSE ME?!” Sam screamed. Friday heard what had just been exchanged, and stopped the music as Tony began to laugh his head off. “THAT’S NOT FUNNY! YOU COULD’A GOTTEN ME THE R/C CAR! BUT YOU _DIDN’T!_ ”

“I-I-I knohohohow!” Tony cackled, now on the floor laughing.

“DAMN YOU STARK!” Sam said, walking off in a furious huff.

“...Is he coming back?” Natasha asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Bucky smirked, standing up. “Let’s win this bitch, Pepper.”

“Oh, you know we will,” Pepper said, an equally evil smirk on her face. “Tony, c’mon handsome, I need the dance floor.”

Peter got Tony back into his seat, and the billionaire was still guffawing over Sam’s furious reaction to Tony being the one to get him the banjo strings. Oh, and the scores for the two of them were all collectively about three. 

Bucky and Pepper ended up choosing the 42nd Street Overture to dance along to, doing a swing style routine with an unruly amount of synchronization between them - and they hadn’t practiced any for this, because they would've had no way of knowing it was happening!

Much to Natasha’s (and franky, everyone else’s) happiness, Pepper even did a little soft shoe in her routine, her heels making just as much noise as Natasha’s tap shoes.

At the end of the first normal routine of the dance battle, Steve gave the two an eight; Wanda gave them a solid ten, and Rhodey gave them a six, commenting that Pepper’s tapping really elevated the dance, but he would’ve liked to see a bit more variety on Bucky’s part since he got them those Frosted Flakes.

How that was accepted, no one had any clue.

Then, Clint and Vision stepped up to the plate - Clint chose some funky techno music no one had any idea even existed, and seemed pumped up as heck.

“You ready to break it down Vis?!” Clint said, laughing as he tried to hype up the crowd - no one moved at all.

“I do believe I am,” Vision nodded.

As the music began to blare, Clint began to break dance - but Vision…

Stood still.

Like, statue still.

Clint didn’t even notice - he was too busy breaking it down. Like, hardcore break dancing; were he and Laura taking classes? Was he classically trained? The world may never know. But Vision evidently had no interest in dancing, as he just stood as still as he could. 

Wanda was cackling with laughter, and Steve was laughing into his hand. Rhodey had dropped his judge persona, laughing behind his whiteboard, and all the other Avengers were laughing their heads off as well.

“Why is this happening?” Peter whispered to Natasha.

“I really don’t know, sweetie… I really don’t,” Natasha giggled, watching her best friend break dance while acting like an idiot.

After they were done, or rather Clint was done, he stood next to Vision, panting but triumphant. “Now how’s THAT for dancing?!” he exclaimed with a smirk.

“Eh, Vision did it better,” Bucky shrugged.

“Yeah, I think Vision did it better,” Bruce chuckled.

And the judges agreed as well - all of them gave Vision a solid ten, but after Rhodey gave Clint a zero, Steve and Wanda followed suit. Clint scoffed at this injustice.

“How dare you?! I’m going back home,” Clint rolled his eyes, turning on his heel and heading for the vents.

As he hopped inside, however, Tony grabbed his legs, causing Clint to screech like a banshee as he was pulled back inside the common room. It was quite a sight.

And finally…

Nat and Peter were up.

“You ready, sweetie?” Natasha asked with a smile.

“Yep!” Peter nodded nervously. Suddenly, however, his nervous smile became an excited one when he thought of the absolute perfect song. “Oh my gosh, momma Spider, can I please choose the song?”

“Oh of course!” Natasha said.

“Thank you so much,” Peter giggled excitedly. “Hey, Friday?”

“Yes, Peter?”

“Play Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.”

“YES!” exclaimed Wanda. “Oh my gosh,” Clint said, shaking his head fondly. “This song is a bop for when the homies ain’t around,” Bucky whispered.

As Taylor Swift began to blare over the radio, Nat felt extremely relaxed - Bucky was right, this song was a bop! She felt nothing but pure ease tapping away to the song, swaying happily to the lyrics as her feet did the talking.

Peter, meanwhile, did some very “fancy” improv of his own - he was really just bopping around like an excited puppy, but still, no one seemed to mind. Wanda was practically dancing in her seat to the music and the dancing, Steve was nodding his head along, and Rhodey even seemed like he was tapping his foot!

“Come on everyone, let’s finish strong!” Natasha suddenly yelled. “Once more, from the top!”

As the final chorus began to play, the rest of the Avengers - including the judges - all got up to dance with Peter and Nat to Taylor Swift’s hit song. Thor looked to be having the time of his life, as did Wanda, Peter, and Natasha. Steve and Bruce were both doing hilarious dad dances, Tony was just living his best life, Pepper joined Nat in a tap dance groove, Vision stared once again, and Clint started breaking it down hardcore again. Rhodey even dropped his hardcore persona again to shuffle along to the song!

Sam then poked his head back into the room, his brows raised. “Is that Shake It Off? Hells yeah!”

And with that, for the next ten minutes, the Avengers collectively danced to the absolute bop that is Shake It Off, with Nat’s shoes making more noise than literally anything else, including the loud as hell music.

**-0-**

After the absolutely wonderful Christmas dinner had been eaten by the team, some soft music was coming from the speakers in the common room as several Avengers found themselves in cuddle piles. Thor and Bruce were snuggled up on the love seat, Sam had hilariously fallen asleep holding his banjo strings, and Wanda had long ago fallen asleep on Steve’s shoulder.

Peter, though, was snuggled up in his comfy robe next to Natasha, whose arm was around him and holding him close. She smiled as he shifted even closer to her, and she kissed his cheek in gratefulness.

“Thank you once again for my tap shoes, sweetie,” smiled Natasha. “I’ll wear them forever, I promise.”

“Hehehe, you don’t have to,” Peter said, smiling up at her.

“Oh, but I do,” Natasha affirmed. “I _love_ tap dancing, you see; and so does Steve, Pepper, everyone else whether they like it or not, and very importantly - you love the sounds, so I can’t possibly deprive you of them, right?”

Peter beamed happily up at his momma Spider. “Love you, Nat…”

“I love you too, sweetie,” she smiled, running her fingers through his hair and letting him fall asleep on her shoulder. 

And even though everyone was asleep…

They would later swear they heard Nat tap dancing in her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you thought of this story!! I love you all so much, and comments and kudos are treasured and loved <3333 Thank you guys so much!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 2 will (hopefully) be up by Monday!! Who's ready for Nat to put those tap shoes to good use, and more embarrassment of our favorite Spider baby?
> 
> Also please comment and tell me who you think got Sam the banjo strings lol


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